Boris Johnson joins the Green party apparently

Boris and a tree

Boris Johnson has apparently joined the Green party, suspicious sources said today. He said he was intrigued by Green MP Caroline Lucas’s idea to ask 10 female politicians from all parties to join her in forming an “emergency cabinet”.

“I bet I’d stand a chance with at least one of those” Mr Johnson is reported to have said.

“And I know how to prune a tree” Boris was said to have continued. “Oh and Mr Trump would be great turning Notre Dame in Paris into a hotel. I bet he could do it in under a year.”

Sources that have disbelieved this report and contend that Boris Johnson is still the UK Prime Minister, at least for this week, must surely be mistaken.


Greenland is not for sale


As a followup to my earlier story that Trump perhaps wants to buy Greenland I think it’s important to record that aghast people of the land have replied categorically that the island is NOT for sale.

Perhaps Donald Trump should really consider buying Notre Dame and turning it into a hotel… hahahaha.

Donald Trump meets Macron and Johnson

Boris Johnson’s silence

Carrie Symonds and Boris Johnson

The police were called to the flat where Boris Johnson is now living with his current girlfriend of just over a year, Carrie Symonds, after concern from their neighbours about a ‘heated dispute’ on Friday.

In a public hustings for the UK Prime Minister position on Saturday, Johnson had nothing to say. He also had nothing to say about his relationship with right-winger Steve Bannon, although to be fair he wasn’t asked about that.

Claims that his argument with  Carrie Symonds started about his affection for zip wire in the bedroom is unverified.

So the new UK PM will be…

Also his supposed backing for Trump’s possible purchase of Notre Dame in Paris as a hotel is still unverified.

Donald Trump meets Macron and Johnson

Trump avoids war…


For now.

Donald Trump has stopped short of escalating the worsening stand-off with Iran in the Persian Gulf, suggesting that the shooting down of a US drone could have been carried out by a “loose and stupid” Iranian officer without authorisation from Tehran. He was apparently ‘worried’ that up to 150 Iranians could be killed in the planned retaliation.

Claims that he was heard to say “can’t we get more of them?” in the briefing room are unverified.

In other news, Trump is still in the market to turn Notre Dame into a hotel. His most recent comment appears to be “I really like the roof as a swimming pool.”

Donald Trump meets Macron and Johnson

Oh and Donald Trump is facing a fresh allegation that he sexually assaulted a woman in his days as a real estate developer in the mid 1990s

It’s over 26 years now since the tub of lard…

BJ lard

It’s over 26 years now since the tub of lard replaced Roy Hattersley on a BBC quiz show.

But tonight, on a Channel 4 show where the candidates for the UK Prime Minster attempt to answer questions from the public, Boris Johnson’s position will be represented by an empty podium.

A tub of lard might be better. No tub of lard was involved in the fire at Notre Dame in April as far as we know.

Sources close to Boris Johnson…

Boris on zip wire
Photo: London Tonight

Certain sources close to Boris Johnson believe than the man likes to hang from a wire in the bedroom.

“Apparently when he got stuck on a zip wire in 2011 he discovered that he liked it and the rest, as they say, is history” said a source who didn’t want to be named.

In other news Johnson is believed to be in favour of Trump buying Notre Dame and turning it into a hotel.

Donald Trump meets Macron and Johnson