Posted on id: 1410

A change in calendar?

This is nothing to do with Notre Dame although Donald Trump might put in an offer to buy the cathedral and turn in into a hotel now he’s been defeated as US President.

Anyway, now the UK is leaving the EU, the calendar will be changed to “make everything better”, according to current UK Prime Minister, Boris Johnson.

It has been suggested that January and March will be cut to 30 days and the days added to February so it gets 30 days too.

The extra day every four years to keep the calendar in sync with the seasons will simply be called “leap day” and whilst some people thought it would be best to have it at New Year if needed, in the end a greater number thought it would be best to have it random at the whim of the Prime Minster. However it was absolute that no one could have a birthday on that day.

The UK is confident that if it changes the calendar then every other country will follow the lead and change in a few years too.

What could be better? Or have I got it wrong…

Posted on id: 1292

New important eyesight test

Dominic Cummings in his car
Photo: Shutterstock
Dominic Cummings in his car

Normally we wouldn’t post this as it’s not about Notre Dame, but this information comes from a source at the top of the UK government.

Apparently, if you’re worried about your eyesight you can avoid any queue at  the opticians but carrying out this test yourself.

Just drive for about 30 miles or so and if you don’t hit anything your eyesight is okay, probably. To be extra safe put your family in the car too, particularly a young child, four would be an ideal age.

Oh and if any of you are suffering from a virus, well we all get that from time to time, don’t we?

Look, I know the source has been revealed on other outlets so I might as well reveal it here, Dominic Cummings, a special advisor to the UK Prime Minister. Surely he can’t be lying? Er, I mean wrong?

Posted on id: 1276

Trump considers buying Notre Dame again

pool
Photo: UMA/u-m-a.se
The swimming pool design was never actually submitted

Donald Trump is considering buying Notre Dame and turning it into a hotel one more time as he thinks the price will have fallen considerably because of the virus.

He is particularly enamored by the prospect of turning the roof into a vast swimming pool.

He was also advised that Nigel Farage would be a good agent.

Okay this is all fiction, erm, isn’t it?

Posted on id: 1191

Trump buys Notre Dame

waterway

Donald Trump, the President of the United States, buys Notre Dame and turns it into a hotel, but only in his dreams. The new roof will not be a swimming pool even though the graphic looks rather nice.

Boris Johnson, the UK Prime Minister, was not consulted about this, or anything important.

Hahahaha, it’s only a joke, please smile.

Posted on id: 977

Sometimes a sentence or two if all you need

Boris Johnson

John Crace in The Guardian writes:

“But with Johnson, we are in an ethical wild west. He doesn’t really believe in anything except himself. He is the career sociopath for whom other people are mere satellites orbiting a never satisfied.”

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2019/nov/05/my-life-in-the-ethical-wild-west-our-sketch-writer-on-his-three-years-of-brexit-hell

Boris Johnson is not involved in buying Notre Dame in Paris with Donald Trump and turning it into a hotel, whatever anyone might think.

Donald Trump meets Macron and Johnson

Posted on id: 862

Jennifer Arcuri addresses Boris Johnson pole dancing rumours

Jennifer Arcuri
Jennifer Arcuri with her pole

Obviously this is not about Notre Dame or the false rumour that Boris Johnson suggested dancing poles to Donald Trump if he bought Notre Dame and turned it into a hotel.

However Jennifer Arcuri was asked the question today about the Boris Johnson pole dancing rumours. Jennifer Arcuri had a dancing pole in her flat in London and Boris Johnson, whilst Mayor of London, visited the flat several times.

That Boris Johnson was actually paying for pole dancing lessons isn’t confirmed and as far as we know has never been asked.

https://www.express.co.uk/showbiz/tv-radio/1187375/Jennifer-Arcuri-Piers-Morgan-interview-pole-dancing-ITV-GMB-Boris-Johnson-tech-city

Posted on id: 741

I’m not Boris Johnson

not Boris Johnson
Photo: Tim Brown

I don’t have the hair, but if I had…

I think I’d just make jokes. He’s gone into the wrong job, he should just be a comedian. At least then people might be able to walk out on his act.

Meanwhile the real news is not getting covered properly. A devastating hurricane has hit The Bahamas, so sorry for everyone out there.

 

Posted on id: 665

John Oliver’s assessment of Boris Johnson

still shot from video

Supporter or loather of the current UK Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, you should watch this:

 

Donald Trump is apparently a big fan of Mr Johnson, perhaps because the UK Prime Minister is in favour of Mr Trump buying Notre Dame in Paris and turning it into a hotel. Not all details in this report may be correct though.