New important eyesight test

Dominic Cummings in his car
Photo: Shutterstock
Dominic Cummings in his car

Normally we wouldn’t post this as it’s not about Notre Dame, but this information comes from a source at the top of the UK government.

Apparently, if you’re worried about your eyesight you can avoid any queue at  the opticians but carrying out this test yourself.

Just drive for about 30 miles or so and if you don’t hit anything your eyesight is okay, probably. To be extra safe put your family in the car too, particularly a young child, four would be an ideal age.

Oh and if any of you are suffering from a virus, well we all get that from time to time, don’t we?

Look, I know the source has been revealed on other outlets so I might as well reveal it here, Dominic Cummings, a special advisor to the UK Prime Minister. Surely he can’t be lying? Er, I mean wrong?

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Trump considers buying Notre Dame again

Photo: UMA/
The swimming pool design was never actually submitted

Donald Trump is considering buying Notre Dame and turning it into a hotel one more time as he thinks the price will have fallen considerably because of the virus.

He is particularly enamored by the prospect of turning the roof into a vast swimming pool.

He was also advised that Nigel Farage would be a good agent.

Okay this is all fiction, erm, isn’t it?

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Trump buys Notre Dame


Donald Trump, the President of the United States, buys Notre Dame and turns it into a hotel, but only in his dreams. The new roof will not be a swimming pool even through the graphic looks rather nice.

Boris Johnson, the UK Prime Minister, was not consulted about this, or anything important.

Hahahaha, it’s only a joke, please smile.

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Sometimes a sentence or two if all you need

Boris Johnson

John Crace in The Guardian writes:

“But with Johnson, we are in an ethical wild west. He doesn’t really believe in anything except himself. He is the career sociopath for whom other people are mere satellites orbiting a never satisfied.”

Boris Johnson is not involved in buying Notre Dame in Paris with Donald Trump and turning it into a hotel, whatever anyone might think.

Donald Trump meets Macron and Johnson

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Jennifer Arcuri addresses Boris Johnson pole dancing rumours

Jennifer Arcuri
Jennifer Arcuri with her pole

Obviously this is not about Notre Dame or the false rumour that Boris Johnson suggested dancing poles to Donald Trump if he bought Notre Dame and turned it into a hotel.

However Jennifer Arcuri was asked the question today about the Boris Johnson pole dancing rumours. Jennifer Arcuri had a dancing pole in her flat in London and Boris Johnson, whilst Mayor of London, visited the flat several times.

That Boris Johnson was actually paying for pole dancing lessons isn’t confirmed and as far as we know has never been asked.

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I’m not Boris Johnson

not Boris Johnson
Photo: Tim Brown

I don’t have the hair, but if I had…

I think I’d just make jokes. He’s gone into the wrong job, he should just be a comedian. At least then people might be able to walk out on his act.

Meanwhile the real news is not getting covered properly. A devastating hurricane has hit The Bahamas, so sorry for everyone out there.


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John Oliver’s assessment of Boris Johnson

still shot from video

Supporter or loather of the current UK Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, you should watch this:


Donald Trump is apparently a big fan of Mr Johnson, perhaps because the UK Prime Minister is in favour of Mr Trump buying Notre Dame in Paris and turning it into a hotel. Not all details in this report may be correct though.

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Boris Johnson joins the Green party apparently

Boris and a tree

Boris Johnson has apparently joined the Green party, suspicious sources said today. He said he was intrigued by Green MP Caroline Lucas’s idea to ask 10 female politicians from all parties to join her in forming an “emergency cabinet”.

“I bet I’d stand a chance with at least one of those” Mr Johnson is reported to have said.

“And I know how to prune a tree” Boris was said to have continued. “Oh and Mr Trump would be great turning Notre Dame in Paris into a hotel. I bet he could do it in under a year.”

Sources that have disbelieved this report and contend that Boris Johnson is still the UK Prime Minister, at least for this week, must surely be mistaken.


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